Congratulations! You’ve been talking to someone you thought was absolutely amazing and funny. You thought “this is it; they’re going to be my boyfriend/girlfriend!” You’re walking on cloud nine. Nothing could go wrong! That is until you wake up and realize that they blocked you and unadded you on all social media. It seemed almost sudden; shocking, really! Did you say something to them? What did you do to offend then? You can’t remember anything specifically. Everything seemed to have been going well. That is when it hits you: you’ve been ghosted.
In the world of modern-dating, ghosting seems to be a common reoccurrence. Everyone at one point or another will be ghosted while dating. Or you may even be the one doing the “ghosting”. In case someone out there is reading this and is confused on what exactly it is that I’m talking about; then I will tell you. Ghosting is when someone suddenly disappears from someone’s life without an explanation. They just stop contacting the other person, perhaps going as far as to block their number and unfollow them on social media. Ghosting can really hurt, and it has become far too common these days. Why do people ghost? Why has it become so common nowadays? Is this just something that we must now be prepared for?
I actually had my own experience with ghosting. Back in December of 2023, I was in my freshman year of college and preparing for final exams. In my Spanish class, there was this boy I had been talking to named Daniel. Daniel was a rugby-player with a “resting bitch face”, but he was hot, nonetheless. One night, he texted me and asked if we could hangout. I invited him over to my dorm so we could study for our Spanish final together. I will say, it was a bad time. He told me about his extreme anger problems and his hatred for his parents, which wasn’t exactly a turn on for me. I thought it was a little too personal for a first date. I had no idea what to say, so I told him that I was sorry over and over again. We parted ways with smiles at the end of the night. He promised he would say goodbye to be in class the next day before I headed back to my hometown for Winter break. He didn’t show up to class the next day though. That night after I went home, Daniel texted me that he had the flu and couldn’t make it to class. That was the last I ever heard from him. He never tried to call or text again. Because the date went so badly, I wasn’t too concerned over it. The fact I had been ghosted did not bother me.
I think a reason people ghost is because they don’t see the potential of a relationship with that person anymore. Either the ghoster decided they weren’t ready for a relationship anymore, they started to only become smothered by the ghostee, they found someone else who compliments their lives more, or there could be several reasons. Either way, the ghoster simply doesn’t want a relationship with the ghostee. And instead of telling them about the loss of feelings, they run away to avoid conflict and confrontation. Ghosting prevents an argument or vulnerability.
I decided to ask my best friend, Brianna, about her thoughts on the matter. Before her boyfriend Jacob, she had dating experiences with both men and women. But she has been in nearly every “dating situation” anyone can think of. Including ghosting people.
“I would ghost people when they began to overwhelm me,” Brianna claimed. “When it began to drain me and it started to feel like a chore talking to them, that’s when I ghosted them.”
Of course, after the ghosting, the ghostee is left so confused. Had they done something to make the ghoster run? The ghoster tosses and turns at night with the thought of “what could have been”. Their feelings can range from not caring, to sad, to angry. Getting ghosting hurts as much as it does because there is a lack of closure. It is a hurtful situation with so many questions unanswered. There is a feeling of rejection that leaves the ghostee with a low self-esteem.
It is important for any ghostee to know that sometimes, things just don’t work out. You may have not done anything wrong; you just didn’t fit into the ghoster’s life. And that is ok. It is important to learn to let it go. Which I know letting go is easier said than done, believe me. Who am I to talk really? It took me over a month to get over my month long situationship. However, I remember something my Uncle Jimmy told me right after my situationship breakup that has stuck with me:
“When it comes to dating people, you are going to have questions not answered. You are never going to know the answer to a lot of situations. And you need to learn to be ok with that. Do not miss out on something good in the future because you’re so focused on the past.”
In conclusion, the ghoster simply changes their mind about the situation they were in. They simply do not want a relationship with the ghostee anymore and does not want to cause conflict by confronting them. The ghostee is left hurt, but the ghostee will be fine. As long as the ghostee remembers the family and friends they already have in their lives, they will see the good they already have in their lives. Remember that relationships and people are like puzzle pieces. It may take a long time before someone finds the other puzzle piece they are meant to connect with on the puzzle. The time will come when it comes.