This last week has been a busy one. On Monday, I was Trent’s plus-one to a party. Our co-worker, Anna, was celebrating her 18th-birthday and wanted to invite some friends. Though Trent and I feel sort of indifferent to her, she has a hot tub, and we couldn’t really pass that up. Besides, he and I were always looking for an excuse to get out of our parent’s houses. I drove to his house and picked him up since I agreed to be designated driver. Trent was already five Bacardi shots in and has a Gatorade bottle mixed with two-shots of rum.
We pulled up to a house in a cute-suburban neighborhood. I got Anna’s birthday gift out of my backseat (a Conan Gray vinyl and a birthday card). Trent and I walked up to the door and only had to knock once before the door flew open. Anna greeted us with a wide smile and gave each of us a hug. I handed her the birthday gift, to which she gasped and literally clung on to it with joy. It was safe to say that we did a good job. Anna’s boyfriend, boyfriend’s sister, best friend, her best friend’s boyfriend, and her guy best friend were all there too. It was awkward around her guy best friend, Alan. See, Alan had developed a small crush on me that everyone at the movie theater quickly learned about. Nothing stays a secret there. But I was not interested, and Alan knew that. Therefore, it has become awkward between us. Though, Trent will take any opportunity he can to make a joke out of it.
We changed into our bathing suits and jumped into the hot tub. Which one would think was relaxing. But with that many people and that many sweaty bodies, it just felt cramped and sort of smelled. We all gossiped about our co-workers for about an hour before we got out and changed back into our clothes. After which, we played “Awkward Hugs”. Basically, you are tied with a belt to someone you have little to nothing in common with and you must find common ground on certain subjects. Truth be told, it was more fun than it sounded. Trent and I played a couple of rounds before we decided to leave. And when left, we decided to get late night Taco Bell and chat. We talked about all sorts of things. Juan, his talking stage named Carly, friends, whatever came to our minds. It was funny something we said.
“Hurt people hurt people.” I said to him, immediately thinking about Juan.
Trent shook his head and groaned. “That’s such bullshit. I hate when people say that. Just because someone had a shitty childhood doesn’t mean they get an excuse to treat people like shit. Like, you and I have been through shit, and we don’t fuck people over. It’s not fair.” And that stuck with me for the rest of the evening. Shit, it’s sticking with me now.
On Tuesday, I had a lot on my mind. I thought about Juan a lot that day. I decided the only thing that would make me happy was some retail therapy at the mall in the city. I called Cassie so we could go together and chat over our boy problems. She still isn’t over her crush on Carson, and I wasn’t exactly in a position to judge her. The both of us went into all kinds of stores together and talked about our inabilities to move on. The both of us combined probably spend $800 on clothes and makeup. At least Cassie is still in high school. Probably wasn’t a good idea to spend $400 at the mall as a college kid who has to pay rent next year. I’m not exactly good at saving money.
Afterward, we screamed in her car to some Chappell Roan before I had to get out and go home. Then on my car ride back home, I screamed to Chase Atlantic. It was relaxing, really, as odd as it might sound. But anyway, I went home and relaxed a little before I had to go on my next friendship date. I was meeting Carter for Korean Fried Chicken that night. He had finally moved on from his crush on Tina and was feeling pretty happy with himself. We thought that grabbing some Korean food would make us both feel good about ourselves.
We tried some spicy fried chicken and tteokbokki. He and I ate ever single bite while we gossiped about friends. We also spoke about our plans at ZSU next year. The first thing we want to do is get our ears pierced together. It would be my doubles while he would get his first ones, which scares him a little. But life is all about risks. And we’re also afraid of what his parents might say, hence why we’re waiting until we get to ZSU. After dinner, he and I decided to walk across the street to the huge international market. There are several cafes inside with all sorts of different foods. The market carries products from places Mexico, Russia, China, and so much more. Carter and I walked around for thirty-minutes wishing we could afford it. Like I said, I spent $400 earlier that day so it probably wasn’t the best idea to spend more money.
It was a good thing I had work at the movie theater the next day. I was at the concession stand for 8.5 hours with Trent, my best friend Brianna, Madeline, and our other co-worker, Zoey. The four of us were able to fuck around and laugh while we helped all the customers. “Despicable Me 4” and “Inside Out 2” being huge children’s movies have caused the theater to basically be sold out nearly every day. As draining as it is, I need money. I worked Thursday too for 7 hours, then yesterday for 7.5 hours. I’m dead. Trent, Brianna, and I agreed that we would need to have another sleepover soon where we get high and watch funny ass movies. That is the epitome of a perfect night with friends.
On the 4th of July, it’s pretty big deal for us Americans. We get an excuse to but a shit of fireworks and get plastered, and no one can say anything because it’s a national holiday. After work, I changed into regular clothes and made myself a relaxing strawberry daquiri. I had had a long day at work, and I thought I deserved it. My family and I then got on our golf cart (rich people shit, I know) and drove out to the golf course and watched the fireworks. I was told by Brianna to put my Airpods in and listen to “Fourth of July” by Sufjan Stevens. And I did just that. I took a photo, put it on my Instagram story, and then listened to the song. I was fine for a moment…but then I thought about Juan again. And typically, I roll my eyes to myself and carry on, but this time, I had an overwhelming feeling of sadness as I watched those fireworks. I wasn’t sure if it was completely because of Juan, but I was sad. Really sad. I decided to look at my Instagram story, even though I had only posted it five-minutes ago.
Juan was the first person to view it.
It was probably just a coincidence. But for some reason, it just felt odd in that moment. Like it wasn’t just a coincidence. Then again, at this time, I was two-huge drinks in and listening to depressing music. So that was probably it. I’m pretty sure I’m just fucking delusional and in need of an actual hobby besides simping over a man with commitment issues.
Yesterday, I met up with my dad, his girlfriend Mindy, and his girlfriend’s daughters at Mindy’s sister’s house. They live in a cute neighborhood in the richer side of the county. Mindy’s sister is married to a man named Will and they have two little girls of their own. Will actually attended ZSU back in the day and was an alumnus, so upon meeting him for the first time, we were able to bond over that. Mindy’s sister and Will cooked us burgers for dinner, and my dad made his famous cheesecake. It was a hit to say the least. Afterward, we all sat in the front yard and set off fireworks together. It was fun to watch and we all shared a lot of laughs. Once the night was over, I drove home to my mom’s house, and myself a drink before I went to bed.
That has been my life recently. Working, drinking, and being an emotionally confusing wreck. For a while, I’ve thought I was doing everything wrong. However, I actually think I’m doing everything right. Young adulthood truly is all about finding yourself and finding how you want your life to look. I’m nineteen and figuring out my own emotions. Sometimes though, you have to take a look at what you already have before you can proceed. No, I do not have Juan. No, I do not have a boyfriend. Yes, I do have creepy men on dating apps who ask to fuck from time-to-time (I always say no, don’t worry). In all seriousness, I do not have a lot of things. But I do have some of the best friends anyone could ever ask for. And for right now, while I find myself and that special someone, those best friends are all I could really ask for.