Unrequited (Love)?

The other night, I was watching an Indian film called “Ae Dil Hai Mushkil”, which discusses unrequited love, its meaning, and how to overcome it. I do not speak Hindi, nor am I even Indian. But for me, Bollywood movies and Korean dramas have always been top-tier. Anyway how, the movie really had me thinking. Nearly everyone I know, including myself, has been in a situation of “unrequited love” at one point or another. We like someone who has zero feelings for us whatsoever. For some reason, we daydream about a life with them and calling them ours.

My situation was in my Senior year of high school. His name was Christian. He was too goodlooking for his own good and came from a very wealthy family. Christian was kind of dumb but was very popular and had a good heart. Not to mention, he was a man who could dress. That’s like finding a needle in a haystack. Because of these beautiful qualities, I quickly became infatuated with him, and the crush became very intense. However, Christian did not feel the same way. He could care less about me. But I held on to the hope that he would come around and realize his true feelings for me. And he did find his feelings…for another woman. They started dating at the end of the school year, and they’re actually still together to this day! They’re a beautiful couple and I’ve moved on from my delusional crush. When the rose-tinted glasses came off, I started to see things for how they really were. Is unrequited love really love? Is it really possible to love someone who doesn’t love you back? What’s the difference between love and infatuation?

I figured one of the best people I could talk to in this situation would be my good friend, Carter. Carter is one-year behind me and will actually start attending ZSU in August! He’s more on the serious side and is a hard worker. But even under his seriousness, Carter has emotions and sensitivity. Those emotions were toward a girl named Tina. Carter and Tina were very good friends. However, he had the hope of becoming something more with Tina and had deep feelings for her. Unfortunately for him, Tina only ever saw him as a friend; in fact, she started dating another guy two-weeks ago. Carter was devastated when he heard this, then he came to me for comfort. And there is nothing more comforting than late-night bubble tea. We sat in a boba cafe that, by coincidence, Christian’s family owns.

I told him, “I know where you have been. I’ve been there before. But once those rose-tinted glasses come off, you’ll realize it wasn’t real. It isn’t love.”

“Then what is love then?” Carter questioned. “That is the big question we need to answer first.”

“It is infatuation.”

“Fine. It may have not been love in your eyes, but it was pretty damn close. It hurts to just watch but at the end of the day, moving on is all you can really do.” Carter shrugged, then silently stirred his tea around. He remained in a saddened mood for the rest of the evening. I pitied him, I really did. And I knew Carter would get over it soon enough, but I had strong empathy for him.

Later that night when I was alone in my room, I couldn’t stop thinking about that conversation, the Bollywood movie, and unrequited love all together. Maybe I was wrong. Could it be love? I mean, it’s called “unrequited love”, not “unrequited infatuation”. Like I said though, where do we draw the line between love and infatuation?

I got another insight from my friend, Cassie. Cassie is going into her Senior year of high school, and I met her from my job at the movie theater. She had a huge crush on our co-worker, Carson. Cassie tried to get his attention and was nothing but sweet on him. But Carson looked the other way each time and didn’t pay attention to her. Of course, it’s upsetting for anyone in that situation. I bluntly asked Cassie about unrequited crushes and her own personal feelings behind it.

“I think it’s hard to keep liking guys and not having any of them like you back. It makes you feel unlovable,” Cassie stated. “So many people around you are able to get people to like them but never knowing anyone that likes you, it feels like I have an aura that gets no guy to like me. It can make you feel ugly.”

Keeping Carter and Cassie’s words in mind, I’ve been trying to form a conclusion. However, I cannot for this topic. When it comes down to feelings of love and loss, no human will ever know the true-exact meaning behind them. Love and infatuation are two feelings that are too difficult to understand. And a 19-year-old girl certainly can’t give you the true definitions behind them. But I think when it comes down to it, you can really only love someone when you know them. When you see their imperfections and flaws, and yet you accept them for who they are. You can be infatuated with someone’s looks, their smile, their laugh. But you only really love them when you see how perfectly-imperfect they are. So, unrequited crushes could truly be love or infatuation just depending on the situation. But like I said, what do I know? I suppose this just something we’ll have to figure out with time.