I’m not sure what happened at this moment. It was so sudden, so unexpected. It felt like weight finally being lifted off my shoulders. The heaviness in my heart disappeared like ashes between someone’s fingers. There I was tucked into bed, my head on my pillow, my blankets covering me as the ceiling fan’s air hit me. Per usual, I was pondering over my entire life and my choices. And that is when I had this realization:
There is no such thing as someone who isn’t ready for a relationship. There is only someone who doesn’t believe you are the one for them. So, what is the point in obsessing over someone who doesn’t see your value? Juan and I simply weren’t meant to be and that’s ok. Juan can continue partying and doing whatever he wants, but I refuse to be a part of it. He is a confused and emotionally unavailable twenty-one-year-old boy. I am finally having the courage to kiss whatever-we-had goodbye.
With this realization though, it brings up the real question: what do men and women want in a partner? I mean, everyone has certain things they find attractive. Tan lines, curly hair, green-eyes, long legs, and more. But what do men and women want in a general sense? In a partner’s looks? Personality? Career? It’s an interesting topic, truthfully. It’s something that genders have been trying to figure out for years now. Not to mention, it seems to be something that is consistently changing with each generation. Let me ask the question again. What do men and women want in a partner?
Though I trust my friends and others in my life to give me honest answers, I needed the perspective of someone older. There is nobody more blunt and more honest than my own father. My father has his girlfriend, Mindy, and they’ve been on-and-off for three-years now. But he has had dating experience between her, my own mother, and other women in between.
My father smiled after I asked him what he thinks men and women look for a relationship. He answered proudly: “Men want a woman who is hot and kind. Many women believe that we want a woman who is smart with a career and blah blah blah. But that isn’t true. We just want a woman who is hot, once again, and compliments our lives. And women look for a man who can provide love and security. A man with ambition and treats them well. As long as they provide each other that, they can have a happy relationship.”
Does this still stand though? These seem like basic standards for men and women. But my father is also forty-five with a more traditional mindset. I got the perspective of someone older, which sets the base for my question. However, it started to seem like it was right to get some insight from someone younger. If those were the main standards for dating back in the 1990s, then how has it changed in the last thirty-years?
Brianna immediately came to my mind. My best friend is currently in a relationship with a boy named Jacob. Jacob is more on the nerdy side of things with a reserved personality. They’ve been dating for three-months now and are still in the “honeymoon phase” of their relationship. But Jacob and Brianna happily dote on one another. They are opposites, and yet they match each other perfectly. Before Jacob though, Brianna has had dating experience with both men and women. She has been in nearly every “dating” situation anyone can imagine. Because of this though, she seemed like a good person to go to for this.
“Having a good personality and the ability to get along with others goes a long way,” Brianna claimed. “You also gotta love someone who has good hygiene and a great sense of humor. The key to a happy relationship is someone you can laugh with.”
With that being said, it sounds like a lot of the same standards from then still apply to today. Everyone looks for someone they find attractive, with a sweet personality, and a good sense of humor. But if those were the only qualities peopled looked for, then dating would be so much easier. Twice the amount of single people would be in a relationship. There has to be something missing. What could it be?
After doing some thinking, I realized that it just comes to one thing: when you know, you know. You can meet someone who is perfect for you and still feel that they aren’t meant for you. Because that’s the thing about dating. One is going to have to meet a lot of princes or princesses before they meet their king or queen. It is something that will come with time and happens at different times for everyone. At the end of the day, we all just want someone that makes us feel good about ourselves and gives us hope for the future.